AriesLuv 4 Ever: January 2013

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Fool Story 9: Bye Mom

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen for a long time." "That's a shame," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?" "Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye, Mother!' ?" It would make me feel so much better." "Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $227.95. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only bought a few things!" "Your mother said you would pay for her" the cashier said.

<3 Ashley <3

Fool Story 8: The Irish Love Their Beer

A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman too, picked up the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS*ARD!"

<3 Ashley <3

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Fool Story 7: The K9 Patrol

The police department, famous for its superior canine (K9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channel and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a blind policeman!"

<3 Ashley <3.

Fool Story 6: The Blonde Kidnapper

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, a blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

<3 Ashley <3

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Fool Story 5: Mailbox

A blonde went outside to check her mailbox, and her neighbor kept an eye on her, she had no mail, so she went back inside her house. Two minutes later, the same blonde went outside for the second time to check her mailbox, still, she had no mail, and the neighbor was confused. One minute later, again the woman came outside to check her mailbox for the third time, and again, she had no mail. This time, her neighbor went up to her and said, "The mailman won't be here for another 3 more hours, why do you keep on checking your mail?" The blonde said, "Oh, because my computer keeps on saying, 'You've got mail.'"

Ashley

Fool Story 4: Gas Station

There was three girls in a car, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, when the car suddenly broke down. It was miles to the nearest gas station, so the girls quickly grabbed supplies for the long walk. The brunette brought water, the redhead brought food, and the blonde removed one of the car's doors and brought it. When they finally arrived, the gas station attendant said to the brunette, "Why did you bring water?" The brunette replied, "Duh, in case we get thirsty, so we can drink." Next the gas station attendant asked the redhead why she brought food. "Duh," the redhead replied, "in case we get hungry, we can eat." Finally he asked the blonde the question he was really curious about. "Why did you bring the car door?" "Duh," the blonde replied, "in case we get hot, we can roll down the window."

Ashley

Fool Story 3: Canadian Winter

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The now widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, mom," he said, "the government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said, "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"

Ashley

Fool Story 2: A Fishy Story

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spent a fortune

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home, they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch anymore!"

Ashley

Fool Story 1: Lottery

A redneck buys a ticket and won the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replies, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The redneck says, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

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